The Christmas Promise
by TheLovelyRusher
Summary: Kendall went through more pain than any teenager ever should. He deserved the most spectacular Christmas ever. And his friends were determined to give it to him. Mystery of You companion... Merry Christmas lovelies!
1. The Christmas Tree

**Merry Christmas to all of my amazing readers! I hope you enjoy this Of course I couldn't just make this a oneshot… Haha.**

_Crunch crunch, crunch crunch, crunch crunch…_

Carlos listened to the sounds of white, icy snow underneath his leather boots, making up a rhythm with each step he took. His heavily bundled body shivered underneath his black, woolen, snowflake-covered coat and the blue scarf his mother knitted him. Silver stars twinkled in the dark sky above him, making the snow beneath him glisten beautifully. His warm breath could be seen in puffs of fog, and carolers singing "We Wish You a Merry Christmas" could be heard in the distance. For a moment, Carlos stood still and took in the sights around him. Though they were familiar, they were also somewhat strange. It had been nearly 2 years since he had been home in Minnesota. He was used to palm trees and the ocean now, not pine trees and snow. But he couldn't be any happier that he was finally home for the holidays.

"Carlitos, come on! We want to get the best tree before someone else does!" James called through the cold night air. The small Latino smiled and did a sort of stumble/run through the deep snow over to his friends, who stood at the entrance of a large tree farm. They were doing their annual (well, annual back when they lived in Minnesota) "tree shopping." Every year, the boys would traverse around town to every tree farm they could find and look for only the most wonderful Douglas fir that the sellers had to offer. They were always quite picky about their tree, and this year they were more so than usual. They wanted to buy the biggest, fluffiest tree ever grown for one simple reason: They longed to see Kendall's sick and dull green eyes light up with delight and his pale lips to curl up into a grin. They wanted to make this the best Christmas that Kendall Knight had ever experienced.

"None of these are good enough," Carlos mumbled with a pout as they weeded their way through an endless maze of evergreens.

"We'll never find the right tree for Kendall," James said sadly. He rolled up a fluffy snowball in his gloved hands and threw it spitefully at an evergreen branch, causing a tiny avalanche of snow to fall off and splat onto the ground.

Logan searched his mind for something positive to say to lift their spirits but for once, he couldn't think of anything. They had never gone tree shopping without Kendall before. The blonde leader always picked out the perfect tree. Somehow he was always able to mentally imagine lights and ornaments covering the green giant, surrounded by presents on Christmas morning, and after they would go through the process of cutting it down and tying it to their van and brought it home and decorated it, the tree always looked like something out of a storybook.

"I wish he were here," Carlos whispered, speaking for all of them. It just wasn't the same without the blonde's boisterous laughter or calming demeanor.

"Me, too," James said with a huff, causing a puff of fog to splay out in front of him. He waved it away and looked up at the stars, trying to forget how empty it felt to not have Kendall by their sides all the time. It hurt a lot when he wondered if Kendall would ever be the same again. The poor boy spent nearly all of his time locked in his room, fighting infections and battling fevers. Mama K had to explain to them every day that his immune system was still very weak. James just wanted his best friend to get better already.

"Guys, he'll be back in action soon enough," Logan said. "Need I remind you that we are incredibly lucky and blessed that Kendall is even here to experience another Christmas? The least we can do is make this a Christmas for him to remember, rather than spend it moping about something we have no control over."

James and Carlos winced at the harsh reminder. It was true, after battling a double kidney infection and septicemia, Kendall had nearly not made it to see another Christmas. Carlos turned his head slightly to hide his tears. He hated it when somebody brought up Kendall's sickness. He spent every day trying to forget what happened over a month ago. It had been an absolute nightmare, spending week after week at a comatose Kendall's bedside, begging him to stay alive for another day.

"Carlos? Hey it's ok buddy," Logan cooed, leaning forward to bring the quivering Latino into his warm arms. Carlos spun around and buried his face into Logan's welcome chest, holding on desperately to his tears.

"Is it selfish of me that I want him back?" Carlos choked out. "Having him alive isn't enough. I want him with us, looking at trees and keeping me from doing crazy things. I miss him practicing my slap shot with me and singing with him and... I just miss him. Does that… Does that make me bad?"

"No, no Carlos that does not make you bad," Logan assured the sniffing boy, cupping the back of his neck with a caring, gentle hand and bringing him closer to his chest. "We all miss him and want him back. We just need to be patient. Come on buddy, this isn't supposed to be a sad day. We're doing this for Kendall. Now let's go find him the biggest, greenest tree in the lot so we can get home and visit him."

James scanned the trees with his eyes. "All of these are puny, though. I know! How about we go hiking and cut down our own tree?"

"Um no, that would be illegal James," Logan said, still holding Carlos tightly in his arms.

"Maybe, but he deserves it! The trees are way better in the forest preserve," James said.

"Are you kidding me? It's called a forest preserve for a reason, James!"

James shrugged, still not getting Logan's point. "Yeah but the trees are prettier."

"Ok just stop talking," Logan said, rolling his eyes at James' blasphemy and trying to hide his amusement. "Carlos, how about you pick out the tree for Kendall? Does that sound good?"

Carlos pulled away from Logan's arms, excited and surprised at the aspect of picking out a Christmas tree by himself. "Really? By myself?"

"Yeah, go for it," James said, watching Carlos' eyes light up like the stars above them. His heart swelled at the sight as Carlos searched deeper through the maze of trees for the perfect one. This was the happiest he'd seen him in a long time. After Kendall fell ill, he slowly became less enthusiastic. He stopped doing reckless stunts and in some ways gained more maturity and responsibility, and in other aspects he grew even more childlike. He was excessively clingy and suffered nightmares at least once a week. It was always the same dream that Kendall had not woken up from his coma, and it broke the hearts of his brothers every time it happened. Carlos didn't deserve to wake up crying. None of them deserved the hellish 2 months they had been through.

And no matter what, Kendall Knight was going to have the best stinking Christmas ever.

**A/N So what do you think, will Kendall get the amazing Christmas he deserves or will I screw it up for him? This will probably be just a few chapters and I will do my bestest to get it done by Christmas. Reviews encourage me. Reviews are elves! Love you all!**


	2. Home Is Where the Kendall Is

**A/N Thanks so much for all of the reviews and alerts and favorites! I hope you enjoy the next chappie! I know nothing about trees and bringing them home, sooo… Lol.**

**I'm a sad panda… My youth pastor left our church and I don't even know what to do. It was so all of a sudden. We had a goodbye party last night and we were all just a blubbering mess because… He's just impacted my life in such a huge way. He literally changed my life. And most of my most outstanding memories lay in the United Youth Group and all the crazy things we have done. And now it's no more and I was his lil assistant youth leader along with my bro and best friend and we just can't stand the fact that our rock isn't there anymore.**

It was nearly midnight by the time the boys finally made it home. After traveling around to several different tree farms, Carlos had finally found one that was a dark, rich green with an overabundance of branches. It was well over 8 feet tall and, since Kendall was the one to usually tie the tree up, it took them about an hour to tie it down safely to the top of the van. After a few scraped knees and Carlos falling off the top of the van (good thing he was wearing Helmet) they were on the long way back to Mrs. Knight's cozy little house.

"I'm so sleepy," Logan said with a yawn as James drove into the driveway. Despite feeling so tired, he couldn't help but smile when he saw the blinking red and green lights lining the house. Large plastic candy canes were splayed randomly across the yard, half buried in the snow, and nets of multi-colored lights covered the bushes. He admired the pretty light job on the outside of the small brick home but couldn't wait to get to the inside. He could already feel the warmth of the fireplace and smell the cinnamon candles. He wanted so badly to be snug under the covers and away from the biting wind.

"Carlos, we're home," Logan whispered, turning in his seat to reach Carlos, who was slumped in a deep sleep with his forehead against the window. James caught his hand gently.

"No, don't wake him. He's had a long night. I've got him," James said. Logan watched the tall brunette walk around to the backseats and un-buckle the restraints before lifting his small body up into his arms. As he held Carlos against his chest for a moment, Logan wondered when James had gone from a self-absorbed pretty boy to a mature and caring older brother. It was such a drastic and sudden change. All of a sudden, his picture in the magazines meant nothing compared to Kendall's health, and taking care of the 2 smaller boys until Kendall was healthy again was his only priority. It was the most beautiful transformation Logan had ever seen.

"Hey, you coming?" James asked, his voice piercing Logan's admiring thoughts. The smart boy smiled and nodded.

"Yeah, I'll start untying the tree. Go ahead and put the little guy to bed," Logan said.

James smiled down at the small bundle that was Carlos in his arms. "He looks peaceful Logan. How long has it been since we've seen that?"

Logan got out of the car and stretched his cramped legs so he could walk around and peer at Carlos. The Latino looked like a little boy. His cheeks and nose were bright red and his pale pink lips were slightly curved upwards in a tiny smile.

"It's been too long, James. I think this was good for him," Logan said with contentment. Tonight was the first night in weeks that they were able to pull Carlos away from Kendall's bedside. He had this thing about being away from Kendall for too long. Most nights he wouldn't even go home to his Mami and Papi. "Get him inside, away from this cold."

James nodded. "Ok, I'll be back out in a few minutes buddy." James cautiously carried Carlos inside and laid him down on the couch in the living room in front of the fireplace. He pulled off his hat and boots, than removed his coat and placed a throw blanket up to his shoulders.

"Oh, you guys are home," Mrs. Knight said, emerging from the dark kitchen in a bathrobe and a glass of milk in her hand. "What took you so long?" She asked, bringing James in for a hug.

"Sorry, we had some trouble finding the right tree but Carlos picked out the perfect one."

"Oh, the poor darling, he looks exhausted," Mrs. Knight cooed, smoothing her hand over Carlos' forehead. "Why don't you boys get to bed? You look like your freezing. Take off that wet coat James."

"Mama K, I'm alright," James said gently. "I have to go help Logan untie the tree and set it up."

"But it's nearly one in the morning, James," Mrs. Knight said. "Shouldn't you wait until tomorrow?"

"But Carlos really had his heart set on having it all set up for when Kendall wakes up in the morning, so it's a better surprise."

Mrs. Knight sighed, knowing that when Carlos was involved, argument was futile. "Ok, do you need any help?"

"No, go on to bed Mama K, we got it," James said, leaning in to kiss his surrogate mothers cheek. She smiled and ruffled his soft chestnut strands of hair.

"Good night, love. I'll see you in the morning."

James nodded and went back out into the snowy night to help Logan untie the tree from the van.

"Logan, what are you doing up there?" James hissed as he made his way down the walk to the driveway. Logan was standing on the van, struggling with the gigantic tree. "That thing is nearly twice as big as you and you can get hurt!"

"Twice as big? I'm not that short, James!"

"I said nearly! Come down from there, I'll get it down for you."

"I'm perfectly capable of doing this, thank you James," Logan said stubbornly, when in fact he was just pulling at the ties and branches feebly.

"Logan, you're gonna fall," James said, right when Logan tugged extra forcefully. His lithe body toppled over the side of the van and he fell right on his back with a funny sounding plop, practically sinking into the snow beneath him. James snorted and chuckled while Logan glared daggers and coughed.

"Ouchies! Quit laughing and help me up, will you?" Logan asked, finding it hard to move properly in 5 extra thick layers of clothing. James took the small boy by the wrists and easily hauled him to his feet.

"Ok, now watch the pro at work," James said in a cocky voice. He pushed his floppy bangs out of his face and proceeded to climb on top of the van. Logan rolled his eyes and stood off to the side, fully expecting for James to come tumbling down any minute. But to his surprise, within minutes James had completely untied Carlos' extra-super-double-triple knots that he learned at camp one year and carefully lowered it to the ground.

"How did you do that?" Logan asked.

"I told you, I'm a pro," James said. "Now help me carry this in?"

Logan shook his head and helped James haul the over-sized Christmas tree into the house.

"Where are we going to put this giant thing?" Logan whispered when they walked into the small foyer. He pushed branches away from his face and peered into the small, crowded living room.

"It looks like Mrs. Knight cleared a spot over there," James said, pointing to the corner of the living space. Logan nodded and they heaved the tree into their arms once again and carried it to the spot.

"It's never going to fit," Logan said, setting the tree down. The branches over lapped the couch, tickling Carlos' feet and making him squirm in his sleep.

"Just kinda squish it in there," James said, trying to rearrange the branches a bit so it could fit properly.

"You can't squish a tree, you're gonna break the branches!" Logan said, swiping James' hand away. "We just need to find a new place for it."

"But it looks perfect right where it is!" James argued.

"It looks ridiculous covering all our furniture!" Logan argued back. The bickering boys voices' slowly started to rise, making Carlos stir and wake up.

"Guys, what's going on?" Carlos asked, wiping his sleepy eyes.

"Carlos! Did we wake you up?" James asked. "Go back to sleep buddy."

"No, I'm up. What are you guys fighting about?"

"We're not fighting," Logan assured him. "We were just having a tree disagreement."

Carlos gave him a "wtf?" look, and James cut in.

"I'm trying to get the tree to fit in this space but Logan won't help me," the pretty boy explained.

"But it's way too small of a space!" Logan said. Carlos kicked some branches away from his legs and rolled off the couch and onto his feet.

"Why don't you guys just move the couch over?" Carlos asked, and Logan and James just stared at him, dumbfounded at the simple, obvious answer.

"Oh," Logan finally said. "I guess that would work, wouldn't it?" Carlos nodded, and James moved the couch over a foot and a half, and the tree fit perfectly.

"Let's decorate it!" Carlos exclaimed, taking off towards the hallway.

"Whoa, buddy where are you going?" James asked, catching Carlos swiftly.

"To wake up Kendall so we can decorate!"

"No, we aren't going to wake up Kendall," James said. "It's way too late and Mama Knight said he's not feeling his best."

Carlos pouted dejectedly. He'd been waiting all month to get the tree and he was so excited to decorate it.

"Hey, we'll decorate it tomorrow," James said softly. "First thing. I'll even make pancakes."

Carlos' eyes lit up as bright as the Christmas lights around their house at the mention of pancakes.

"Come on, let's go to bed," Logan said with a shiver. He wanted to get in his warm bed now. He shut off the lights and the boys got into their jammies and brushed their teeth. Carlos and James hopped into bed and fell asleep immediately, but Logan quietly crept into Kendall's bedroom first. He did this every night. He had too. He had to make sure Kendall was safe and well in bed before he was able to fall asleep.

Logan quietly approached Kendall's still form. Even though it was a relief to see Kendall unattached to tons of equipment keeping him alive, it was still hard to see him so look so ill. He was so pale and tired looking, even in his sleep, and he had lost so much weight it was sickening. Logan was starting to forget what Kendall truly looked like, when he was his normal healthy and vibrant self.

Logan shook the thoughts away and brushed a strand of blonde hair from Kendall's face. He cringed when he felt the fever beneath his fingers. Kendall was still very sick and not out of the danger zone quite yet. It was a lot of work to take care of him and keep him out of the hospital.

"Hey, Kendall. We went and found you a Christmas tree today buddy. It's so pretty and… Huge. Carlos picked it out, of course. You should have seen him looking for the perfect one, darting in and out between dozens of trees and analyzing each branch until he found the one he knew you'd love. And you'll really love it too, buddy. It's finally starting to feel like Christmas around here." Logan sighed and continued to brush Kendall's soft hair away from his face and onto his fluffy, soft pillow for a couple moments. "Good night, buddy. See you tomorrow."

**A/N I hope that was cute enough! I will be updating again asap, and there will be more than just silly banter happening. Love you all and thanks so much for reading! Please review? They are candy canes!**


	3. Tree of memories

**A/N Thanks so much everyone for the reviews and reads! Even though I don't deserve it because I haven't been reviewing or reading much lately. A lot of crap happened (worst timing around Christmas, huh?) but I'm determined not to let it ruin my holiday. I hope you enjoy this chap!**

Carlos woke up the next morning almost as early as he would have if it was Christmas day. It was almost as exciting. Today he got to show Kendall the tree he picked out and spend all day decorating it with him. It had been ages since he'd really done anything with his big brother, and he hoped Kendall was feeling well enough to decorate with him.

Since it was still only dawn, Carlos patiently waited until his room turned from a dark grayish color to a light blue, with a blinding stream of orange rising sunlight poking through the shades. The Latino threw back his covers excitedly and quietly padded through the room, careful not to disturb his 2 healthy brothers snoring in their beds across the room. He made his way to Kendall's room and stood at the doorway, unsure if he should really wake the sleeping boy or not.

"Go ahead, you can get him up. He's been waiting for this," a soft, motherly voice said beside him. Carlos jumped in his onsie pajamas and turned to see Mrs. Knight smiling at him, dressed in a warm robe and drinking from a coffee mug that said "Best mommy ever!"

"Are you sure?" Carlos asked. Mrs. Knight nodded and that was all the assurance he needed.

"Just do it carefully!" Mrs. Knight called out when Carlos lunged across the red carpeting to Kendall's bed.

"Kendall buddy, wake up!" Carlos said eagerly. Instead of jumping on the blonde boy and beating him with a teddy bear like he would have only 2 months ago, the younger boy sat on the heavily quilted bed and rubbed Kendall's bony shoulder until his long lashes fluttered open.

Kendall smiled when he saw Carlos' excited, chubby cheeks grinning down at him, and he relaxed into the gentle touch of Carlos' hand for a few moments.

"Good morning Carlos," Kendall said, his voice a bit weaker than it should have been.

"Kendall come see what I got you, it's the coolest thing ever!" Carlos chirped.

Kendall arched an eyebrow and decided to play along, even though he already knew what was waiting for him considering Carlos hadn't stopped talking about buying a Christmas tree for days now.

"What is it, 'Litos?"

"Follow me!" Carlos stood up and Kendall carefully sat up. He rolled his eye when he felt his arm being looped over Carlos' neck but let him help him. He knew better than to argue with Carlos that he could get up just fine without help, and both of them knew fully well Kendall needed the assistance.

Carlos easily lifted Kendall's skinny body so he could help him into the living room, ignoring how light he felt against his shoulders and the way his bony hips poked him in the side with each step. Carlos just reminded himself silently that this would not last forever, that soon Kendall would be healthy again and gain his lost weight back.

"Carlos, whoa!" Kendall gasped when he saw the gorgeous tree in the corner of the tiny living room. It was so tall the top brushed the ceiling and bent forward a bit. "It's huge!"

"Do you like it?" Carlos asked hopefully, his eyes as wide as the moon as he waited anxiously for the answer.

"I love it," Kendall said, and Carlos grinned ear to ear and pumped his fist in the air victoriously.

"When can we decorate it?" Kendall asked, and for a moment Carlos was able to see a child-like excitement sparkle in dull green eyes, turning them back to their original emerald color. But it was gone as quick as it came when he suddenly leaned forward and started coughing into his hand. Carlos caught him and held him in his arms, feeling the tall boy's body quake with each heave.

Carlos hauled Kendall to the couch and rubbed his back. The blonde boy rested his forehead on Carlos' chest, seeking comfort while the rough cough abused his lungs. They were all used to fits like these, though. It happened several times a day. Sometimes they went away quickly and other times they lasted nearly 30 minutes. Thankfully, this one faded after just a couple minutes and Kendall slumped against Carlos breathlessly.

"Are you ok?" Carlos asked shyly. Kendall drew in several sharp breaths before nodding his head so Carlos wouldn't worry.

Mrs. Knight had heard the whole thing and walked in with a machine with tubes attached to it and a mask. Carlos recognized it immediately as Kendall's breathing machine. Every day Kendall had to take strong breathing treatments to keep his lungs functioning. He used to have to take them many times a day but now they were down to just 3 treatments. It was small progress but still a step towards a healthy Kendall.

"We can decorate the tree as soon as you're done with your breathing treatment," Mrs. Knight said while attaching the tubes and pouring in the correct dosage of medications. Kendall scowled but took the array of antibiotics that Mrs. Knight turned and handed him. He swallowed the pills with a bitter look on his face and gulped down some water before putting on his mask. Mrs. Knight turned the machine on and it clunked and whirred to life.

Carlos smiled and patted Kendall's shoulder. "There, that'll make you feel better." The Latino leaned back against the couch and turned on Christmas cartoons while Mrs. Knight busied herself in the kitchen, making pancakes, oatmeal and bacon for her boys.

Within minutes, the strong medication knocked Kendall out and his head lulled onto Carlos' shoulder. His breathing slowly went from being sharp and rattily to slow and steady. Carlos sighed, knowing Kendall could be asleep for another few hours. He slept a lot lately. Carlos understood, or at least he tried to anyway. Kendall needed lots of sleep for his body to heal.

Another hour passed and James and Logan were awake now too, quietly chewing their breakfast with their eyes glued to the television. Mrs. Knight was bringing in boxes of ornaments and garland for the tree but refused to let the boys help her. She insisted that they hadn't had near enough rest after being out in the cold all night and made them sit still, which was a very hard thing for them to do.

So when Kendall finally came too, they all loud out an explosive cheer and jumped to their feet.

"Christmas music, we need Christmas music!" Logan exclaimed, searching the room for their Christmas cd collection.

"Got it," Mrs. Knight said, turning on the stereo. "Deck the Halls" came blaring out of the speakers, and she apologized when Kendall, who wasn't fully awake yet, winced.

"Hot cocoa! We need hot cocoa!" James cried, and Mrs. Knight appeared within 2 seconds holding a tray of hot chocolate in red and green Santa mugs and a bowl of marshmallows.

"Already done," Mrs. Knight said.

"Ooh, thanks!" Logan said, handing a mug to Kendall who took it gratefully before taking his own. He sipped on the rich chocolaty liquid despite the fact it was very hot. It was too good to wait. James stuffed the top of his with marshmallows before gulping his down. Kendall sipped his slowly, and Carlos was running frantically through the room, tearing apart boxes looking for something.

"Carlos, what are you doing?" Kendall asked, peering over the side of the couch to watch Carlos go through box after box after box of Christmas decorations.

"Trying to find our ornaments!" Carlos said, his dark brow furrowed in concentration.

"What are you talking about? There are tons of ornaments right here," Mrs. Knight said, gesturing to the pile of boxes.

"No, not those ones!" Carlos said, getting frustrated. "I mean the ones we made in art class!"

"Oh I don't know if we have those anymore buddy," Logan said sadly. Every year when the boys were young they would make tons of ornaments for each other in art class. They looked crappy and like, well, a 3rd grader made them and they hadn't even pulled them out for a few years. Logan assumed they were long gone.

"No, they have to be around her somewhere!" Carlos cried, slipping on his mittens and boots.

"Where are you going, Carlos? It's single digits out there you will freeze to death," Mrs. Knight warned.

"I need to find those ornaments, I know we didn't throw them away," Carlos said stubbornly. He marched out the door and when James went to go stop him, Mrs. Knight held her hand out.

"He'll be fine his house is only 5 minutes away," Mrs. Knight said. "James, why don't you start wrapping the lights around the tree? We all know Carlos can't do that job without knocking the entire thing over."

The boys left, reminiscing on how every year Carlos always managed to knock the tree somehow when they were younger. Hopefully he had grown out of it by now.

By the time James had finished wrapping lights around nearly the entire tree Carlos had come rushing in the door with a small box in his hands and a huge grin on his rosy, puffed out cheeks. He shook his head, causing snowflakes to tumble down to the carpeting and melt immediately, than stomped the snow off his boots and ran straight towards Kendall, who looked flabbergasted.

"What is this?" The confused blonde asked, taking the box from Carlos' mittened fingers.

"Look inside," Carlos said breathlessly. He squeezed his hands together in elation at what he had found tucked safely underneath his bed.

"Dude, you kept them," Kendall whispered, pulling out sloppily-made childlike ornaments from the box.

"Of course I kept them!" Carlos said in a "duh" voice. "They're my favorite memory. I know it's stupid, but can we put them on the tree this year for old time sakes?" Carlos turned to Mrs. Knight with hopeful eyes. For some reason, he expected the room to erupt into laughter at his childish thinking. But instead, he could have sworn he saw a tear glisten in Mrs. Knight eye before she quickly blinked it away.

"Yes of course you can put them up 'Litos," she said fondly.

Suddenly James, Logan and Kendall's hands were all reaching into the box and pulling out random glitter snowflakes, cotton ball snowman, and hand-print reindeer, each one of them with a little note from the other written on it.

"Hey look at this one," Logan said softly, pulling out a dark blue ornament. In silver glitter glue it said "Merry Christmas Big Brother. Logan, James, and Carlos."

"I remember this, it was in 5th grade. I had been sick that year and couldn't make it to art class," Kendall said, his green eyes full of memories. "I wish this was just the stupid flu like it had been that year."

"We know buddy," James said, rubbing Kendall's back. He stopped the comforting motion when he felt Kendall suddenly lean forward. He thought the blonde was about to go into a coughing fit or something, but instead, using all the strength he had, he pulled himself to his feet and walked over to the Christmas tree. All 3 boys rushed to help him but Mrs. Knight put her hand out to stop them.

"Hold on boys," she whispered. She watched proudly as Kendall wobbled over to the tree on his own and attached the sentimental orb to a thick green branch.

"The first ornament of the year!" Carlos cheered, and within seconds they were all attacking the giant tree with ornaments of all shapes, sizes and colors. Kendall was only able to decorate for a couple minutes before he had to go lie down from feeling so weak, but the boys were thankful and quite impressed that Kendall was able to do that much. Most days he was still bound to his wheelchair, even.

It took a good 2 hours before the boys finished their tree trimming. They sat in front of their creation, admiring it as they ate the grilled cheese Mrs. Knight had made for them.

"This is the best tree we have ever decorated," James mumbled with his mouth full of cheesy bread.

"It's beautiful," Kendall said. James turned and couldn't help but to smile with awe when he saw Kendall's green eyes catch the twinkling lights on the tree.

"Why are you staring at me?" Kendall teased, nudging James lightly. James blushed, but didn't avert his gaze.

"I don't know… I'm just really glad you're here right now," James admitted, turning an even deeper shade of red. Kendall chuckled and linked an arm around James' shoulders.

"Me too buddy," the blonde said. He wasn't much for the mushy moments his friends seemed to constantly like to have, but he understood why his friends were being so clingy to him and to be honest he really sort of enjoyed it.

"Hey we should go Christmas shopping!" Carlos cried out. Now that he was in a better mood than he had been all month, he was starting to realize all the pent up energy he had inside of him.

"That's a good idea!" James said. "Christmas is in a few days and we have been too busy to buy anything."

"And we can all use to get out of the house," Logan said. "I'm up for it."

"Mama K can we go Christmas shopping?" James called. Mrs. Knight appeared in the doorway, looking a bit surprised, but also pleased that her boys were actually willing to leave the house for the first time in ages. Even though she admired them for their dedication to Kendall, she hated seeing such lively souls hole up inside the tiny house.

"Can I come too?" Kendall asked timidly, and he mentally cursed himself for sounding like such a weenie.

"Duh!" Carlos said. "You _have _to come with us!"

"Oh I don't think that's such a good idea," Mrs. Knight said. "It's awfully cold out and Kendall's running a fever. I don't want him out in this."

"But mom, please?" Kendall asked. He folded his hands and _begged_ because he was feeling the best he had in a long time since his friends cheered him up but Mrs. Knight was not having it.

"Kendall the doctor said your immune system is dangerously low. You're too sick honey. Besides, you're already late for your dialysis treatment. I'm sorry honey."

Kendall looked at his slipper dejectedly. He wanted to get out of the house and he wanted to be able to buy presents for his friends. He wanted to go outside and walk the mall just so he could for himself that it really was Christmas because to be honest he forgot it was even Christmastime from being stuck in the house so long. The Christmas tree finally made it feel like the holidays.

"Don't be sad Kendall, we'll go some other time," James said, patting Kendall's knee.

"No, you guys go ahead," Kendall argued, even though his eyes were still filled to the brim with sadness. The blonde had never looked so disappointed in his life, save for when Jo moved to New Zealand.

"But it wouldn't be the same without you," Carlos said.

"You guys still deserve presents from each other, and so does mom," Kendall said. "I'm starting to feel tired anyway. Just buy mama something nice from me, ok?"

"Will do buddy," Logan said, trying his hardest not to pout. He knew Mrs. Knight was right, Kendall going out to a crowded mall in these conditions while he had a fever could just put them back to where they were a month ago, and he never wanted to be at that God forsaken hospital again in his life.

Kendall smiled, but it wasn't as exuberant as it had been just minutes ago. He watched his friends get bundled up and helped Logan tie up his boots.

"We'll be home soon," Logan assured him.

"And we'll take a picture on Santa's lap for you," Carlos said. Kendall rolled his eyes but felt something tug sadly at his heart. Carlos was the only one who knew how excited Kendall got just to see Santa sitting at the mall, handing out candy canes and yelling out "Ho, ho ho" in a gruff voice.

"Thanks guys," Kendall said. He watched them leave, than made his way back to his bedroom for yet another dialysis treatment.

**A/N Oh no Kendall is sad and feels like he's missing out! Hope that was fluffy enough for you guys! I feel like I am kind of disappointing everyone, even if it might be all in my head. I just had a different plan for this and it was supposed to see more action but things are ridiculous right now and I'm having a hard time and I just can't seem to write… So this will most likely just be totally fluffy and maybe have one or 2 more chapters. My goal to finish this by Christmas might not happen… Hope I didn't disappoint. Reviews are Stockings!**

**Oh ps I forgot to mention, if anyone wants to see the boys do something small and Christmassy in this I will do my best to incorporate it! Anything cute you wanna see?**


	4. Those crooked elves and crushing santa

**Merry Christmas everybody! I love you all so much and I hope everyone has a blessed holiday with their families! I hope you all get to wish on the brightest stars, dance with the sugarplum fairies, play with some nutcrackers, and rock around the Christmas tree! Enjoy the magic!**

Kendall sat at his window, watching snowflakes flutter to the ground to join the thick layer of sparkling snow that already covered the ground. It was a winter wonderland out there right now, and he was stuck inside his stuffy house. He loved his house, and he loved hearing his mom singing in the kitchen while she baked loads of Christmas cookies. But his friends were out there, probably having snowball fights in the parking lot or riding the carousel at the mall and doing Christmas stuff, all without him.

Kendall sniffled and wiped a tear away. He was having weird thoughts all of a sudden. He was afraid that they didn't even want him to join them on Christmas, or that he was ruining their Christmas. He wouldn't be able to take the guilt of ruining their Christmas, especially after they were forced to put the band and touring on hold just so he could get better.

It made no sense that he was so upset right now. After all, he was supposed to be so cool and confident. He never sat on a pity pot like this, or worried about his friends hating him for stupid reasons. But the only reason why he was always so confident was only for Logan, James and Carlos. And since they were off having fun at the mall, Kendall allowed himself to crawl into his bed, pull the covers over his head, and cry.

~~~~~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~~~~~~

"Ugh!" Carlos cried in frustration, kicking a mechanical elf right in what would be his mechanical nuts, if elves were anatomically correct that is. Logan stared at the Latino, half amused and half alarmed, from where he was perched on a bench, sipping on a peppermint mocha.

"Carlos, what was that about?" The pale boy asked dully. He took another sip of his drink and tossed it to the trashcan, finding the normally creamy and delicious drink to be tasteless right now. The cup bounced off the side of the trash can and landed on the floor, resulting in the lid popping off of the cup and causing steaming chocolate to pour all over the marble flooring. A sea of people glanced at Logan distastefully and stepped around the mess, and Logan sighed. There was a reason why he never played basketball.

"I'm mad," Carlos replied, watching the elf's movement's stutter for a moment from the abuse before resuming his high-pitched caroling.

"You're not mad, 'Litos. You're sad," Logan said. "Don't worry, I feel the same way." The mall just was not the same this year. They were surrounded by cheery, _healthy_ shoppers. All of the red twinkling lights looked dim. The Christmas songs blaring through the speakers were annoying. Carlos hadn't even wanted to walk through Santa's toyland or ride the little train or even the carousel. They simply weren't in a Christmas mood, because they missed Kendall so much it hurt.

"I miss him," Carlos said, giving up on trying to maim the poor elf. He plopped down next to Logan and put his head on the taller boy's shoulder. Logan wrinkled his nose and rolled his eyes, but decided to ignore the creeped-out stares of passerby and let the Latino stay there.

"Me too 'Litos," Logan whispered.

'Where's James? He's been shopping for hours," Carlos complained. He was, for the first time in his life, sick of the mall. He wanted to go home now.

"I'm right here!" James shouted, practically skipping over to them with his hands full of festive-looking bags. "What are you guys doing just sitting here? Shouldn't you be shopping? This place is filled with last minute deals!"

"We're not really in the mood," Logan said sadly, and the smart boy could literally see the excitement draining out of James' twinkling eyes. He felt bad to crush James' spirit but the mall wasn't half as much fun as they thought it was going to be.

"You guys aren't still pouting because of Kendall, are you?" James asked, lodging his lanky body between the 2 littler boys.

"Maybe," Carlos said. James sighed and set his bags down. He hated seeing his little buddies in such a rotten mood.

"Why? I mean, I know it really sucks not having him here but do you really think Kendall wants us to mope around this whole time? We aren't the sick one. We can enjoy all of this. And yeah, it's not fair that Kendall can't but we should take advantage of it for him, shouldn't we? Besides, we are supposed to be shopping! Kendall deserves like, a million presents and so far I only have…" James peered into his bags and started mock-counting. "4...6…13…I only have like 15 so far, I need some help." James looked at his younger friends with huge puppy-dog eyes, making them smile at his endearing little speech.

"We know, it's just hard," Carlos said. "Nothing is fun anymore. Every time I look at something, I think of Kendall. Kendall would have begged us to go on the bungee trampoline jump with him, and the rock climbing wall. He would've helped me beat up that stupid elf, and made me talk to that really hot girl over there that keeps staring at me."

"What girl?" Logan asked, turning around in the direction that Carlos was staring longingly in. "Oh. She's hot."

"Wait, what?" James asked, following their eyes to see a brunette in a red plaid shirt and dark-wash skinny jeans. "If you don't want her Carlos, she's mine!"

"She's nobody's!" Logan scolded, grabbing James' shirt and pulling him back to the bench. "We are here for Kendall, remember guys?"

"Oh right, my uplifting speech," James said, regaining his concentration. "Cheer up guys, we even met Santa! Kendall is going to love this picture!"

Carlos and Logan couldn't help but crack up when James pulled out the photo of all 3 grown boys piled on top of Santa's lap. While they were all grinning wildly and holding on to Santa's beard and hat to keep from sliding off, Santa was cringing in pain.

"That's classic," Logan said, wiping away a tear of laughter from his eyes. "I just want to see Kendall laugh again, you know? It's been so long since I have really heard him laugh. I miss it. I want him to come back."

"What do you mean?" James said, sliding the picture into his pocket.

"The Kendall before he got sick," Carlos said, answering for Logan. "It's almost hard to remember that Kendall. It seemed like a lifetime ago. But he was always so crazy and lively. He laughed all the time and argued with Gustavo. Now he barely even talks."

"Well, we won't have to worry about it anymore because this will get him smiling and laughing again," James said confidently. "He's going to be opening presents all day. Now let's go shopping." James hauled the small boys to their feet and dragged them to store after store, trying to find the perfect gifts for Kendall. They didn't stop until the mall closed, and when they were finished they were up to at least 30 awesome presents.

"I can't wait for Kendall to see all these presents," Carlos said with a yawn, looking at the bags of goodies beside him. He was so anxious to see the blondes face when he saw the amazing stuff they found him at the giant mall.

They rushed home best they could on the snowy streets. They left the gifts in the car for Mrs. Knight to wrap later and burst through the front door.

"I'm home!" Carlos yelled, and Mrs. Knight shushed him from where she was knitting on the couch.

"Kendall is sleeping baby, hush up," the mother said quietly from beside Kendall's lax body. She rubbed his shoulder and adjusted his blankets lovingly.

"He's sleeping?" James asked, running into the house so quickly he bashed into Carlos, sending the shorter boy stumbling forward. "It's only 9 0' clock."

"Yeah, he's not feeling so good," Mrs. Knight said, putting down her project so she could stroke his blonde hair. "He spent all day just lying by the tree pretty much. He loves this tree so much, boys. He kept staring at it, couldn't take his eyes off of it."

Carlos, Logan and James smiled sadly. Kendall looked peaceful, but his pink lips were tugged down into an upsetting frown and his cheeks were flushed. Something was bothering the blonde, even in his sleep. They were so excited to tell him about their day and show him pictures of them with Santa, but now they were just worried.

"Come on guys, let's get those presents and wrap them up for Kendall while he's asleep," James said. He finally got his friends happy and now they were sullen again. It was getting frustrating.

The boys nodded and reluctantly left Kendall for the car. Mrs. Knight gave James a sympathetic look and the brunette sighed and gave a small smile. He was tired of being depressed, and he knew Kendall was counting on him to be upbeat and keep the younger boys occupied, so he turned on his heel and bounced out the door to spread some Christmas cheer.

**A/N Ok what the heck was that ending lol? Sorry about that I have to go party with my family. At Buffalo Wild Wings. Lol I have a crazy family. Sorry this was so short, I just really wanted something for you guys to read on Christmas Eve! Does anybody else love the mall at Christmastime? The bungee trampoline jumping is the best! And when Logan bounced the cup off the trash, lol I do that all the time.**

**Please review they are… Well the most amazing presents ever! Merry Christmas, loves!**


	5. Christmas tears and giftwrapped ghosts

**A/N How was everyone's Christmas, and what was your favorite gift and/or funnest thing you did? I got a Flip camera, woot! Thanks for all the reviews and reads! Enjoy!**

"Finally done!" Carlos announced, forcefully shoving a bow onto the very last gift they had wrapped. He stared at his numb fingers, which were riddled with paper cuts, and pouted at the sight. Wrapping presents was fun for the first hour. But it took them 3 hours to wrap every single package for Kendall and now their butts were sore and their backs were bent in awkward positions and there was ribbon and scrap paper flung everywhere. There was even some hanging from the ceiling fan above them.

"It looks like Santa barfed in here," The Latino commented.

"It was worth it though," Logan said, massaging his cramped fingers and glancing around at the enormous pile of presents that they were surrounded with. The whole floor seemed to be covered with red and green wrapping paper, foil, tissue paper and ribbons.

"Hey where's James?" Carlos asked, his eyes darting around the room in search of his big brother.

"I don't know, I didn't see him leave," Logan said, confused. He caught a slight movement with the corner of his eye underneath a huge pile of wrapping paper. "Wait, is that gift wrap breathing?"

"Oh my God, it's the gift wrap ghost!" Carlos said as he scooched closer to Logan's side. Logan rolled his eyes.

"There's no such thing as ghosts, 'Litos," Logan said. He crawled over to the pile of paper and peered through the paper to find a tall, peaceful brunette fast asleep. "It's just James."

"Oh no, the ghost got James!" Carlos wailed.

Logan decided to ignore that comment and brushed the pile of paper and bows off of James' body. The tall boy groaned and slowly woke up. Logan smiled at him sheepishly. "Sorry James, I think we buried you."

James smiled back and sat up on his elbows, trying to keep his sleepy eyes open. "What time is it?"

"It's past midnight," Logan said, crumpling up the huge mess they had made and stuffing it in a trash bag. James and Carlos helped him, eager to finally be able to go to bed. When they were finished cleaning, they headed to the living room to say good night to Mrs. Knight and get their kisses. They were surprised to find Mrs. Knight had already gone to bed but instead Kendall was wide awake, watching Christmas movies. Kendall sat up when he saw them and outstretched his arms, knowing Carlos always hugged him every time he saw him.

"Kendall, we missed you!" Carlos whispered, bringing Kendall's skinny body into his arms just as the blonde had expected. Kendall wrapped his arms around Carlos' neck and held him close for a moment before releasing his youngest friend.

"What are you doing up buddy?" Logan said, sitting beside Kendall on the cozy couch.

"Couldn't sleep," Kendall admitted.

"Are you feeling alright?" Logan asked him, concern shining in his chocolate eyes. His stomach dropped with nervousness when Kendall only shrugged. Logan pressed the back of his hand to the pale boy's forehead and frowned. "You're pretty warm buddy. James, can you get Kendall's fever reducers for me?"

James nodded and went through Kendall's wide variety of medications until he found one that said acetaminophen and grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge, than brought it back to Kendall, who swallowed the pills easily.

"Kendall when was the last time you took you're antibiotics?" Logan asked. "Did you miss a dose?" Once in a while, Kendall would forget to take his medication and when he did, his fever would start raging. His body needed all the antibiotics it could get. Logan frowned in annoyance when Kendall cringed and nodded.

"Mama reminded me but I forgot," Kendall said.

"Kendall you gotta remember to take your medicine!" Logan scolded, causing the blonde to look down at his slippered feet guiltily. "How many times do we have to tell you your dosage schedule?" The young doctor headed to the kitchen to get Kendall's antibiotics out of the refrigerator and the rest of his pills off of the counter.

"I didn't mean to," Kendall said softly. "I fell asleep and then I sorta just forgot."

"It's ok, he's not mad," James assured Kendall, who looked like he was slapped in the face.

"Yeah, he's just worried about you," Carlos said.

"Ok, take all your medicine and get to bed," Logan said, handing the blonde several pills.

"I don't want to go to bed, I want to stay here," Kendall said after finishing his pills. Logan raised his eyebrows.

"You can't sleep on the couch all night buddy," Logan said, and he was met with a glare from Kendall that read "Yes I can, _buddy." _But James was having none of that.

"Come on, you're going to bed sicko," James said teasingly, but with concern and affection laced in his voice. He lifted Kendall into his arms and carried him to his bed, where he laid his thin body down and covered him with soft blankets.

Kendall huffed. He wanted to sleep next to his tree, but he couldn't possibly have expected his over protective friends to let him stay on the couch all night.

"Good night Kendall," James said, brushing a strand of blonde hair from his eyes.

"Did you guys have a fun time at the mall?" Kendall wondered.

"Oh, that's right! We met Santa!" James said, reaching into his pocket so he could hand him the hilarious photo. Kendall smiled when he saw the strange image, but it was bittersweet. He didn't get to meet Santa with his friends this year. And there was Logan, James and Carlos, sitting on Santa's lap having the time of their lives. Kendall didn't know what to think. He was happy his friends were having fun, of course. He wasn't that selfish. He just wanted to be with them, was that too much to ask?

"That's awesome," Kendall said, handing the picture back and hiding the sad envy in his voice.

"He said you're going to be getting a huge haul this year," James hinted with a wink. Kendall barely broke a smile and curled underneath his blankets.

"Hey, you feeling ok?" James asked sweetly, rubbing Kendall's shoulders.

"Just tired," Kendall lied, closing his eyes.

"Ok buddy, I hope you get to feeling better. Call me if you need anything, ok?"

Kendall nodded and squeezed his eyes shut, and James gave him one more pat before exiting the room.

Kendall rolled onto his tummy and buried his face into his pillows, feeling more tears well up in his eyes. He _was_ tired, actually. He was tired of the constant pain and fevers and feeling so sick. He was tired of the humiliation of a dialysis machine. And he was tired of not being able to spend time with his friends around Christmas. He was missing out on so much, and in turn he was making his friends miss out on all their Christmas traditions. He knew it wouldn't be long before his friends started getting upset and angry at him for ruining Christmas, maybe even hate him for it. The sick boy couldn't stand that thought. He needed his friends so badly right now.

"All I want for Christmas is to get better," Kendall sobbed, looking out the window and past the falling snow, desperate to find a star to wish to on. But there was not a star in the sky, only clouds, and Kendall curled up in his bed and wept.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Carlos lay wide awake underneath his fleece plaid blankets, wrapped snugly in his reindeer pajamas. Logan and James were already snoring and he would have been too, but something seemed off to him. He was worried. The Latino rolled out of bed to retrieve a glass of water from the kitchen. As soon as he opened the door, he heard soft cries coming from Kendall's room.

Carlos stood frozen in shock for half a second. What if Kendall was hurt? Should he wake James? He had no idea what to do.

"Carlos, what are you doing?" Logan groaned when the light from the hallway shone in his eyes.

"Ssh!" Carlos hissed, hoping that the crying was just his imagination. But when he heard a stifled sob and a cough, he practically flew into Kendall's room and gathered the poor boy into his tender arms, rocking him and kissing his hair.

"Kendall, Kendall! Ssh, tell me what's wrong!" Carlos said frantically, trying to calm the sobbing boy. His cries were starting to panic him.

"Oh my God, Kendall," James said as he and Logan rushed to his side.

"Look at me Kendall," Logan said softly, guiding Kendall's chin with his fingers so he could look at the young doctor. "Why are you crying buddy? What hurts?"

Kendall cheeks glowed as brightly as Rudolph's nose from all of the embarrassing attention, but he had to admit he was relieved his friends found him like this. For the first time in his life, Kendall didn't want to cry by himself. He needed the reassurance of his brothers this time.

"Everything," Kendall choked out, struggling to get a control on his tears. His attempts proved futile as more and more fat tears rolled down his burning cheeks.

Logan took Kendall's answer quite literally and suddenly the young doctor's small hands were all over Kendall's face and neck, gaging for temperature as he asked what was wrong in a panicked voice.

"Logie! It's not that," Kendall whined, pushing the small boy off of him with a grunt. Logan raised his dark eyebrows.

"Kendall, buddy you're confusing me," Logan said in a soft voice, as if he was talking to an ill 6 year old. "What's hurting you? Is it you're stomach? Do you not feel so good? Should I get your mother?"

"No, not my mom!" Kendall said, sitting straight up in bed. The action made him dizzy and he slumped against James strong side. The brunette wrapped a steady arm around the sick boy's quivering shoulders.

"What are you going on about, Kendall?" James asked sternly. He was quickly becoming tired of Kendall's secretiveness. "What's wrong?"

"Oh my God," Carlos gasped when Kendall only let out stronger sobs and buried his face in James' lap. The 3 boys shared a look of distress, having not ever seen Kendall in this state before. The poor boy couldn't stop sobbing if he tried. Logan even feared he would hyperventilate himself.

"Ssh, ok, let it out," Logan soothed, running his fingers up and down the contours of Kendall's back, trying to relax the crying boy best he could. "You're ok, Kendall. Ssh. We need to get him calmed down, guys."

James and Carlos nervously followed Logan's lead. James stroked Kendall's hair and cupped his cheek with his hand, and Carlos rubbed his side with his palm.

"What the hell is going on?" James whispered, hoping Kendall couldn't hear him over his loud sobbing.

"I don't think he's in any pain," Logan said. "I know Kendall. He's upset about something. We just have to try and calm him down and hopefully he'll tell us."

"So we don't need to take him to the hospital?" Carlos asked. Logan shook his head.

"No, he's not sick. Well not any more than usual, anyway. Something is really bothering him."

"I've never seen him like this before," James commented, wiping Kendall's flow of tears with his thumb.

Kendall hiccupped and snorted a couple of times before stuttering, "Y-you guys kn-know I can hear you, r-right?"

Logan smiled sheepishly and shrugged. "Kendall, talk to us, man. What are you thinking about?"

Kendall took a shuddering breath and wiped at his irritated, red eyes. "I don't want to do this anymore, guys," he admitted. The huge, innocent green eyes Kendall looked up at Logan with reminded the brunette of the look he gave him when his father left so many years ago. It was heartbreaking.

"You don't want to do what?" Carlos asked. 'I don't understand."

"I don't want to be sick anymore," Kendall said bitterly. His voice was weak from sickness yet strong with emotion. His eyes said everything he was feeling. Carlos had to resist the urge to take the blonde into his arms and rock him and hold him until he felt better.

"Oh buddy," James whispered, his heart sinking at his simple words. Kendall sniffed and his shoulders quaked with a hiccup.

"I hate it. I haven't felt good in months. I am sick of having to be babied and carried and tended to. I can't even pee! A freaking machine does it for me! And it wouldn't be so bad if… If it wasn't during Christmas. I'm ruining it for you guys. You haven't been able to do half the things we usually do just because I have to lay in bed all day, sick. All the medication and the poking and prodding and endless pain and humiliation wouldn't be as bad if it just wasn't during Christmas."

"Kendall… How could you say you ruined Christmas for us?" Carlos said. "We're together, that's all I want for Christmas. You're alive and even if you're not better yet you will be soon and-"

"But what if I'm not? What if I am like this forever?" Kendall choked, and once again, tears welled up behind his eyes. "What if I hold you back forever, not just during Christmas but the band and-"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Logan said, holding his hand out. "Where is this coming from, Kendall? You know that's not how we feel about you, you know it!"

Kendall squeezed his eyes shut, trying to stop crying, and sighed. "I guess I have just had way too much time to think, lying in bed day after day after day. I want to go to the mall and play hockey and not worry about missing my dialysis or catching some germ that could kill me. And I know you guys hate being cooped up in here, watching over me. Every night I pray and pray to get better, I tell God that is all I want for Christmas but every day I'm still just as sick."

"Kendall, don't you ever think we hate watching over you. And you're wrong, you're getting better," Logan said. "We see improvement every day. Especially when you remember to take your medicine," he teased.

Kendall cracked a sad smile, but leaned back on his pillows and watched the snow fall, something he'd been doing a lot of lately. "Christmas just isn't the same this year," he whispered, and his voice was suddenly heavy with sleep. His eyelids started to flutter closed, only a tiny bit of green irises were seen underneath his thick lashes. "I'm so sorry guys."

"It's not your fault," Carlos assured him. He hated the idea that Kendall was falling asleep upset. Tears still trickled out of the corner of his closed eyes and down his cheeks, staining the pillow beneath him.

"Guys, he thinks we're mad at him," James said, stunned by Kendall's heartbreaking outburst. "I could see it in his eyes. He looked so guilty."

"How he think that though?" Carlos said. "I could never be mad at him. I'm just thankful he's here with us. Who cares about all the other stuff? I just want him here."

**A/N Gah that sucked, I'm sorry. I have no idea why I decided to break Kendall down into a kajillion pieces, but that is going to make the next chapter ten times more fun when they surprise Kendall with what is hopefully the best Christmas, ever! Please review, just so I know people are still even reading or sorta liking this thing lol. Next chapter is the last one! Which means I can start updating all my other stories again finally I promise I haven't forgotten about them! Love you guys! Review?**


	6. Christmas Fever

**A/N Dear all my sweet little readers: I AM SO SORRY I MADE YOU WAIT A FULL YEAR FOR THIS STORY AND IF YOU'RE STILL ACTUALLY GONNA READ THIS LET ME SMOOSH YOU PLEASE OKAY? I want to say a huge thank you to everyone who reviewed this story last year, anon and signed alike! You rock my socks! **

**Without further ado, here is the Christmas Promise :')**

That night, the boys somehow managed to cram their long and lanky bodies into Kendall's bed with him. Their limbs were a tangled mess like Christmas ribbon and, at some point, Carlos fell off the bed during the night. It wasn't the most comfortable of sleeping arrangements, but they couldn't leave Kendall alone, not when he was so fragile and upset. Something inside of them told the boys they needed to stay with him, and their instincts were right, because something went terribly wrong as the night hours passed by.

James was first to notice. He was curled up closest to Kendall, spooning his thin body from behind, his face buried in his best friends' soft mop of blonde hair. Kendall was shivering, and his neck was burning so hot that it woke James up. The heat radiating off of Kendall's body was making the brunet sweat.

"Kendall, you okay?" James mumbled, still half asleep. He forced his eyelids open and cleared the fog in his mind, alarmed by how hot Kendall felt against him.

"Kendall," James repeated, this time more urgently. He felt his forehead to find he had a raging fever. Kendall moaned in his sleep and let out a tiny, pained whimper.

"Oh no," James whispered. "This can't be happening, not right before Christmas." James rubbed his cheeks with fear and frustration, than kicked Logan in the side, waking the smaller boy up.

"Ow! James," Logan whined, burying his face in Kendall's bed.

"Logie wake up bro," James said, trying to keep the panic from creeping into his voice. He didn't want to scare his friend before he was even awake.

"No," Logan mumbled, rolling over right on top of James, letting out a loud snore.

"Logan, something is wrong with Kendall. Wake up," James urged, shaking Logan's shoulder. Logan lifted his head off James' chest, suddenly fully awake.

"What?"

"He's so hot Logan," James said, a tearful edge in his voice. "I-I think he was so upset tonight that all the fretting got him sicker."

Logan crawled over James and leaned over Kendall, studying his gray pallor. His lips were white, his cheeks were flushed, and his mouth twitched with pain. He was definitely ill.

"Kendall, oh my God wake up buddy," Logan said loudly, shaking him with a gentle hand. Kendall woke with a start, his green eyes immediately glazing over with pain.

"L-Logan?" Kendall moaned.

"It's me, Kendall. How are you doing?"

"I'm tired," Kendall whispered, rubbing his glassy eyes. He rested his head against James shoulder and tried to fall back to sleep, but Logan kept shaking him.

"No, you can't fall back to sleep," Logan told him. Kendall let out a whine and kicked off his covers, feeling hot and sweaty. Logan pressed the back of his hand to Kendall's forehead.

"He's spiking a fever James. We need to get him to a hospital," Logan said quickly, his chocolate brown eyes filled with fear. James could tell that the smaller boy was getting anxious and on the verge of panic, trying his very hardest to stay calm. James wanted to argue. He wanted to cry. He wanted to say that Kendall can't go to the hospital, because it's Christmastime and that wasn't fair. But nothing that the band of brothers had gone through in the past months was very fair at all. So James made quick work in dressing a delirious Kendall in a hoodie and putting a beanie on his head, than lifted the sick boy into his arms.

"I'll go warm up the car," James said. "Get Mama Knight and Carlos ready."

Logan sadly watched James cradle Kendall in his arms and carry him out of the bedroom. He wiped a tear away with his thumb. It was like their worst fears were coming true, and on Christmas at that. Ever since Kendall had been released from the hospital, they had tried their hardest to keep Kendall away from ever having to stay there again. But now that it was the holidays, everything decided to go downhill on them.

"Carlos, wake up bud," Logan whispered hoarsely, patting Carlos' back. The Latino was sprawled out face down on the floor, completely oblivious to Kendall's condition.

Carlos snorted and peeled himself off of the floor, looking around dazedly. "Huh?"

"W-we gotta go, buddy. Get on your coat and shoes."

"Where are we going?" Carlos asked anxiously, sensing the tension in the air. "Where's Kendall?"

"We have to take him to the hospital. He's sick again," Logan said softly, throwing on a pair of jeans and sweatshirt. He shoved a ho0die over a stunned Carlos' head and lifted him to his feet.

"But it's almost Christmas," Carlos choked out. "H-he can't be… Why… Why would this happen to him?" Carlos put his face in his hands, remembering all the horrible things they went through the last time Kendall had to be rushed to the hospital. They had almost lost him. What if this time, they weren't so lucky?

"Carlos, don't cry. It's going to be okay. He'll be fine. They'll fix him," Logan promised. Carlos blinked back tears and nodded, knowing that he had to pull it together for Kendall.

**A/N Yes it's short but it's SOMETHING right? Reviews are my favorite kind of Christmas present **


	7. Holiday Breakdown

**A/N Yay omg I'm so happy ya'll are still with me! Thanks so much everyone who read and reviewed last chapter :D Sorry this is late (but hey at least it's before Christmas!) **

By the time James got Kendall into the car, he decided that waiting for the rest of the family and trying to cram them all into the small vehicle would not be an option. He sent a quick text to Logan saying he would just meet them at the hospital and sped away with Kendall curled up in the backseat.

"It's okay buddy, we're almost to the hospital." James muttered, not only to reassure Kendall but for himself as well. Heglanced up in the rearview mirror to see his sick, pale friend moaning, curling up against the seat as if he were trying to disappear, hide from the pain and fever wreaking havoc in his already weakened body. James bit his lipnervously, pressing his foot against the gas pedal a bit harder. Help seemed so far away when his friend was in such grave danger. They had warned them this could happen. The doctors said he could most likely end up right back in the hospital. But James had been in denial. He did everything he could to prevent it from happening-of course now, he felt like he hadn't done enough, but he had never actually thought he'd be driving Kendall to the hospital in the middle of the night, once again fearing for his life. Hadn't he prayed enough, every single night for hours on end, for Kendall to be well again? Why wasn't God listening? Did He simply not realize how much James needed Kendall to be here on earth with him, healthy and alive? Because without Kendall, there was no James. There was no Big Time Rush, or the 4 goofy hockey players from Minnesota. James was nothing without that frail, sick bundle in the backseat of his cherry red convertible.

James sniffled and wiped tears from his blurry vision, stepping on the brake pedal when he came across a red light. He pressed his forehead against the steering wheel and uncontrollably pounded his fist twice against the dashboard so violently that he almost thought all the little bones in his hands had broken, but when he examined his hand, it appeared to be fine. He flexed it once and ignored the ache inside of it.

"J-James?" A weak voice came from behind the upset brunet. James quickly wiped his tears away, realizing Kendall was watching him have a meltdown.

"It's okay," James croaked, although he didn't sound very reassuring. "Everything is going to be alright. It has to be." The stop light finally turned green and James continued driving along the quiet Minnesota street.

Kendall blinked his weary, fever-glazed eyes, watching James with trepidation. He didn't know why his friend had suddenly acted so violently. It kind of scared Kendall. Maybe he was worse off than he thought he was.

"James, am I sick?" Kendall whispered. "Like, _really_ sick?"

"You're going to be okay Kendall. You just need some medicine and then you'll be right as rain again," James said softly. His cracked voice gave away the inner emotional turmoil he was feeling, though. How does one tell their best friend that they don't know if they will be okay or not? James guessed that, in some cases, it was best to lie, and these were one of those times.

Kendall was silent. He didn't feel well at all, but mostly he was just tired and his head felt funny and he was cold. But James was acting seriously scared, like something bad was happening that he didn't know about, which was only making Kendall nervous and fearful, too.

"I want to be home," Kendall whispered, not realizing he said the words out loud. His heart was yearning to be home in bed, safe and warm with his mother, sister and friends nearby. He didn't exactly get why, in his feverish mind, he was out driving around in the middle of the night.

"You'll be home soon buddy," James said.

With great effort, Kendall sat up a little bit and pressed his blazing forehead to the frozen glass window pane, watching pretty, twinkling Christmas lights whiz by as they drove down the street.

"Is it Christmas?" Kendall asked. James thought he sounded kind of like a child. A curious, yet scared, child.

"Yeah, almost," James reminded the delirious boy. Kendall didn't say anything. He seemed to be transfixed on the lights adorning all of the little shops along the road. "It's going to be the best Christmas ever, remember?" James sighed. How exactly was he going to give Kendall the best Christmas ever now, while he was sick in the hospital? Christmas was ruined. But he couldn't let Kendall know this, it would break his heart. He was looking so forward to Christmas, and now he wouldn't even be home with his big, special Christmas tree and his family gathered around the fire. Instead, he would spend the night in a lonely hospital, fighting for his life.

James pulled into the parking lot of the hospital and hurried to Kendall's side of the car. He opened the door and gently pulled his weak friend out, setting him on his feet.

"Wh-where are we?" Kendall wondered, his glassy green eyes scanning the parking lot, confused. "P-Palmwoods? Mr. Bitter's gonna kill us…" Kendall slurred, wavering on his feet. James grabbed the blonde by his forearms to steady him.

"No, Kendall we aren't in LA, we're in- Kendall!" James felt his stomach rush to his throat with panic when Kendall suddenly lurched forward, his eyes closing and his body going limp. He had fainted on the spot. James lifted the boy to his chest and carried him into the hospital.

"Help, my friend is sick!" James shouted as he walked through the automatic doors. The small town hospital's workers looked momentarily stunned before springing into action. A nurse asked James an array of questions, and within seconds a doctor pulled Kendall out of his grasp and laid his still body on a bed, wheeling him off as James explained what was wrong with him.

"He's getting over a double kidney infection," James stuttered out. His mind was a panicked fog and it was hard to speak or think. He was focused solely on Kendall's health. "He had a fever tonight and I rushed him here, and he just fainted in the parking lot!" James scrubbed his hands against his ruddy, red cheeks, fighting tears away. He looked around for Mama K, feeling like a lost little boy. Mama K would know what to do.

"His mom should be here any minute," James told the doctors. "Sh-she has all of his records and can explain everything. Because I-I don't know. Just please, make him better."

"Okay, sit down sweetie," A nurse said, leading the near-hysterical boy to a chair in a waiting room. She waited with James for Kendall's mother while James held his face in his hands. Just minutes later, Mrs. Knight came running into the waiting room, looking around wildly for James. Carlos, Logan and Katie trailed behind the motherly figure with wide eyes.

"Jamie!" Mrs. Knight cried when she saw her surrogate son sitting in the waiting room. She was immediately alarmed when she saw he was crying, streams of crystal tears running steadily down his reddened cheeks. She couldn't help but be reminded of all of the horrible days they had spent in the hospital during Kendall's illness.

Mrs. Knight brought the frightened teenager into her arms, her protective instincts coming out now more than ever. She ran a hand through his thick, dark hair, trying to comfort him through their panic.

"James, what happened?"

"I-I helped him out of the car and he collapsed, Mama K!" James wailed, holding onto the older woman tightly. "Wh-what if he doesn't wake up?"

"Ssh, ssh, Mama's gonna talk to the doctors now, okay?" Mrs. Knight cooed, gently prying the child away from her chest and into Carlos' waiting arms. She looked into the Latino's big brown eyes.

"Take care of him for me," she instructed the young boy. She did not have time to nurture the distraught boy, and she knew Carlos would be the one to be able to calm him down. Carlos nodded boldly, wrapping his arms around James' quivering frame and leading him to a corner of the waiting empty waiting room while Mrs. Knight left with the nurse.

"This isn't supposed to happen. Not again," James said in a tiny, broken voice. Katie climbed up in James' lap, while Logan and Carlos curled against his sides, holding him. "Hasn't he been through enough?"

"How could this happen the day before Christmas Eve?" Katie asked solemnly, though her small cherubic face was free of tears, unlike the boys'. She wouldn't cry until later that night, alone in her room. Only then would she allow the flow of tears to come, like she usually did when something scary or upsetting happened.

"I just hope he's okay," Logan whispered, staring off down the long hallway that Kendall was taken down. His precious, stubborn best friend was down there somewhere going through hell knows what without the support and comfort of any of his friends. Finally he had to tear his eyes away before he was tempted to run down the hall, find Kendall, and scoop him into his arms.

"James, what happened to your hand?" Carlos wondered in a hoarse voice, pressing his small fingertips lightly to James' bruised hand. James just shrugged and made a loose fist, ignoring the pain that shot through the delicate bones by doing so.

"Did you hurt yourself again?" Logan asked, taking James' hand into his and stroking the skin gently. He knew James had a habit of using brute strength against himself without even realizing it when he was emotional. "Do you need ice?"

"It's fine guys. Can we please just worry about Kendall? I'm freaking out. W-we should've known his health was taking a turn for the worse. We ignored the signs. I assumed he'd be okay, too pathetic to realize he wasn't getting better. When's he gonna get better?" James shoved his face in his hands.

"Don't do this, don't blame yourself," Carlos pleaded. He hated it when James broke down. He loved to comfort his friends, but when James cried, it hurt the Latino deeply. "He _was_ getting better. Much better. He's weak, but he's getting better. It's just going to take a little while. Kendall's just tired and all. But he'll fight through this, I know he will."

James whimpered, praying inwardly that what Carlos was saying was true.

"Come here," Logan whispered when he heard the tiny, pitiful noise emit from James' mouth. He brought James in for a big cuddle and rested his cheek on James' soft hair, letting him cry.

**A/N Once again I'm soo sorry for the delay in updating! I've been too busy to even turn on my laptop. But my hours at work are going to start slowing down a tiny bit so hopefully next chapter will be up before Christmas! Thanks so much for reading! Please review, they are sugarplum fairies! **


	8. It doesn't feel like Christmas

**A/N Oh my gosh you guys look what I found I thought this was lost forever whenever my laptop exploded around Christmas time but I was going through my endless list of documents and voila this appeared aren't you so excited merry late Christmas everybody woot.**

**Also I found a ton of other documents with half written stories in it omg I'm so ADHD jeeez but anyway one is like a Kenjo with a hurt Jo and a guilty Kendall. **

**And another one is a Kiddie Kames bromance where they meet in the music room at school and it's sweet and sad and idk**

**And one I guess is James was in an accident and Kendall finds him and he's all brain damaged lol why did I just laugh I'm such a freak.**

**And oh another one is a James angst and it's Jagan bromance and really dark and unsettling and bloody and sweet. So yeah if any of thse sound interesting to you let me know because I want to finish them and post them one day or at least one of them ugh. Ok now that you know my hard life decisions please enjoy this hidden chapter of the Christmas promise yayy.**

Fighting exhaustion, the boys stayed awake for hours through the night as they waited on word of Kendall's health. They sat together, taking turns holding Katie, who had fallen asleep midway through the night. It was silent in the waiting room. They hadn't enough strength to speak anymore after James' little breakdown. Now, James was coiled in on himself against Carlos' side, staring longingly down the hallway for any news on his beloved and ill best friend.

"I wish Santa was real," Carlos suddenly blurted out. It was the first word spoken in hours, and his voice cut through the stuffy silence like a knife, starling Logan and James, who stared at him questioningly.

"If Santa was real, I'd wish for Kendall to get better," Carlos explained quietly. "I would take back all my letters for Santa and tell him to give back all of my presents if it meant Kendall could come home healthy. It would be my only Christmas wish. I don't care about any of the other stuff. Presents, parties, stockings, food. None of it. Just Kendall."

"I know buddy, me too," James whispered hoarsely. He cleared his throat and rubbed a hand over his tired, prickling eyes. His heart broke thinking about how Kendall's Christmas was ruined. He didn't care about his own Christmas anymore. He just wanted to give Kendall the Christmas he deserved.

James sat up with a start, slipping out of Carlos' grasp when he saw Mrs. Knight walking down the hall. He could see right away the tired despair written all over her worn out, but pretty features. It looked like every step was only exhausting her further. She had obviously had a very restless and worrisome night with her son.

"Mama K, how is he?" James asked anxiously, leading Mrs. Knight to a chair near where the teenagers were sitting.

"They got his fever down and pumped him with antibiotics. He gathered another infection in his left kidney but we caught it in plenty of time. He's going to be okay. Sick for a while, but he'll be okay," Mrs. Knight said. James and Logan sighed with relief.

"Will he be able to come home for Christmas?" Carlos asked hopefully. Mrs. Knight shook her head sadly.

"No, honey, he's here until New Year's Eve. I'm sorry," Mrs. Knight told Carlos, running her fingers through his short, dark hair. "Like I said, he'll be really sick for a few days and they want to keep him here for observation, just in case. They don't want this to happen again. If it does…" Mrs. Knight trailed off when her voice caught in her throat, as if she thought of something that deeply disturbed her.

"What will happen, Mama K?" Carlos asked naively.

"His immune system is so weak. He might not be able to fight off anymore infections if his poor body doesn't get a break sometime soon," Logan said solemnly, his voice low and eyes downcast. Mrs. Knight only nodded, and Carlos' gut twisted when he realized what Mrs. Knight was saying.

"Listen, I want you boys to get home and get some sleep. I'm going to stay here with Kendall," Mrs. Knight told her boys. "James, take them home and get them in bed."

"I want to stay here with Kendall," James said, jumping to his feet. He had been fearing that this would happen, that she would make him go home while Kendall was in the hospital. He couldn't leave Kendall.

"Don't argue with me boys. Kendall is too sick to have anybody see him, only I'm allowed. You need to go home and get some sleep. Take them home now, James."

James pouted, ripping the keys out of his pockets and stomping away. He felt bad giving Mrs. Knight an attitude when she was only doing what was right, but he couldn't help but to feel angry that he had to be so far away from Kendall when he'd been at his side day and night since Kendall first got sick so long ago.

Logan and Carlos apologized to Mrs. Knight for James' behavior and raced after him.

"You know it's not Mama K's fault, she just wants to take care of us while her son is sick," Logan defended as they crawled into the car.

"I know, I'm sorry," James said emotionlessly. He drove Logan and Carlos home and tucked them into bed, even though the sun was about to come up soon. While the two smaller boys curled up in one bed, James lied down on a separate bed, stretching his long, tired limbs out.

Carlos and Logan fell asleep quickly, but their rest was fitful. James watched them squirm with nightmares the rest of the night. He couldn't fall asleep no matter how hard he tired. All he could think about was Kendall. He was so sick and tired of it all. It had been like this for months, health scare after health scare. The constant worry for Kendall was making him feel physically sick inside. He already almost lost his best friend once, and now he ran the chance of losing him again, and during Christmastime at that.

James wiped a stray tear away with his finger, only for more tears to prickle at his eyes and blur his vision. What if this was Kendall's last Christmas? What if all of the praying and medication and doctors didn't help him like they had expected it too? They were putting blind faith into Kendall's doctors, trusting that they could fix him, but he s_till wasn't better yet?_ What if that meant that he would _never_ get better?

James flipped onto his stomach, burying his face into his pillow to muffle a sob. His shoulders quaked with emotion. He just wished he could talk to Kendall, the one person he could ever confide in when he was feeling this much hurt. But that one person was unconscious in a hospital bed, fighting for his life.

James was just about to cry himself to sleep when a warm, small hand stopped him from drifting off. He rolled onto his side to see a sleepy eyed Carlos' staring at him wide-eyed.

"Carlos, are you okay?" James asked immediately, wiping away his tears with his palm. "Why are you awake?"

"I had a bad dream and woke up. I was going to go back to sleep but I heard you crying…" Carlos said. James looked down guiltily.

"I'm sorry, buddy. Go back to sleep. It's too early to be awake."

Carlos ignored his older friend and instead plopped down next to him, bringing his knees to his chest. "It's 6 AM. I guess you can officially say it's Christmas Eve."

"Christmas Eve _morning_," James said, as if that made it any better. He knew what Carlos was thinking just by looking at the sad features on his cherubic face. It was their first Christmas since they had all met without Kendall. The blonde had spent so many years making every Christmas fun and perfect and magical, and now he was so sick, he probably didn't even realize it was Christmas.

"I wonder if he knows what day it is," James mumbled, mostly to himself. Carlos shrugged.

"I kind of hope not, honestly. If he doesn't even know what day it is, that means he doesn't know how sick he is or what's happening to him. I hope he's just sleeping, you know?" Carlos said, his brown, doe-like eyes tearing. James watched his crestfallen friend begin to cry.

"I know," James whispered, opening his arms for his younger friend. "Come here."

Carlos obliged, settling into the protective warmth of James' broad chest, letting his tears soak through his shirt as they waited for a phone call bearing good news.

**A/N I swear I say this every chapter but there's seriously like one or two chapters left maybe just one actually I don't even know but it's going to be cute and sweet and precious and Christmassy so keep your eye out for an update! Even though it's almost Valentine's Day, not Christmas anymore lol. Reviewing this will result in giving me unexplained jumping, hyperness, giggling, and happiness and also maybe hopefully a PM in your inbox so if you want to, review! Teehee. BYE.**

What if this is kendalls last Christmas kendall sees santa deliver presents


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